Conditions:
Thursday Mar 11	So...I'm standing in the shower at the Racquet and Fitness Club and all of a sudden Rahm Emanuel is standing in front of me, poking a finger in my chest and telling me in an profanity-laced diatribe that allowing Sarah Palin to play with Tiger in the opening day, two man, (yes he said man), scramble was a big mistake. He went on and on and on about how she didn't deserve the world-wide notoriety she would get from playing with Tiger at Coyote Run's world-famous event. So I calmly said, "Look Rahm, pull yourself together. I can recommend a great little clinic in Mansfield Ohio where you can work out your gender-neutrality issues. Sarah and Tiger are playing and that's that!" Meanwhile at back at Coyote Run...The official Coyote Run digital rain gauge recorded .24" of precipitation from this morning's storms and the official temperature at 11:00AM is 53.8 degrees. Wiley, our goose dog extraordinaire is currently sporting an Elizabethan collar, not as a fashion statement, but because he had an injury near his mouth, (possibly caused by a muskrat), that required stitches. The collar is a plastic cone that makes it impossible to scratch and damage the itchy stitches. The long-range forecast is still rosy with a prediction of 53 degrees and sun for next Wednesday's opening day. BTW...get in line today with the other thousand people for your free small ice cream cone at Homewood Dairy Queen's/King's opening day.
Wednesday Mar 10	Let me tell ya how all that politcally-correcty/gendery-neutrally stuff is working out for me...I feel like a new woman/man. The current, (1:20PM), outside temperature on the brand new, official Coyote Run digital thermometer/rain gauge is 61 degrees...the first temperature over 60 of the year. With today's 11 hours and 40 minutes of daylight and day-length increasing by 2 minutes and 47 seconds per day, the spring equinox, (12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of dark), is rapidly approaching. The current 10-day forecast calls for 47 degrees and sunny conditions for the St Patrick's/St Patricia's Day, opening two-entities scramble. There must be some truth to the Tiger/Sarah rumors...this morning the golf shop got a call from Elin asking for background checks and pictures of the entire Northwoods and Coyote Run staffs and insiders at Fox News have disclosed that Sarah is already tired of the punditry gig and is looking for some time off for St. Pat's Day. Could the rumors actually be true?
Tuesday Mar 9	I couldn't update the blog yesterday because I spent the day at the Mel Gibson Clinic celebrating International Women's Day and finishing the twelve step rehab program prior to last night's graduation ceremony. That's right...I'm all politically-correct now, although I will have to attend weekly meetings to help me stay on the wagon. Rumor has it that Tiger, who it turns out does enjoy corned beef and cabbage, is working with a swing-coach and will be back on tour soon. We are still waiting to hear if he will restart his career at Coyote Run and if he and Sarah are an item again for the opening day, two-individual scramble to be held next Wednesday, A.K.A., St Patrick's Day. The wait-people at Northwoods are holding their breath. Meanwhile, the signs of spring continue to abound - almost all of the snow and ice on the course have melted, just two days until the Homewood Dairy Queen/King opens, daylight saving time begins next Sunday, the first robins were sighted today, and the Coyote Run ground's staff have spent their first day out on the course getting ready for next week's opening day.
Friday Mar 5	News from the Mel Gibson Clinic: I spent the day, along with seven other gender-neutrality challenged individuals, learning the twelve-step program to political-correctness. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's lesson: 'The Mel Gibson Method of Respecting all Nationalities, Ethnicities, and Religions'. I understand we will also be learning about how to speak respectfully to arresting officers regardless of ones sobriety. Coyote Run Assistant Superintendent, Phil Knight, informs me that the snow on the course is quickly melting, the Homewood Dairy Queen/King is counting down to opening day, (a sure sign that spring is here), and slots in the St. Patrick's Day opening two-Homo sapiens scramble are quickly filling. Visit the blog for more from He/She/Itsfield, Ohio on Monday.
Thursday Mar 4	THIRTEEN DAYS AND COUNTING!!! This morning Phil Mickelson sent word to the Coyote Run golf shop that his wife, Amy, would not let him play in our opening event with Sarah Palin because of this blog's sexist description of the tournament as a "two-MAN" scramble. Mea culpa. Earlier today at a news conference, in front of family, friends and selected media, I publicly apologized for any pain I may have caused my wife, my family, my sponsors or my Executive Director. Even though I knew it was wrong, I have repeatedly strayed into the use of inappropriate sexist pronouns and from this point forward I will strive to keep all of my pronouns gender-neutral. In order to rebuild my image, I have voluntarily admitted myself into rehab at the Mel Gibson Clinic in Mansfield, Ohio. So far, Sarah Palin has refused to comment but seems to be scrambling to find a new partner. The clinic has mandated that this blog should continue during rehab as a form of therapy. So check back for and progress reports from Ohio, updates about the golf course and information on the 'two-human-beings' scramble to be held at Coyote Run in just 13 days.
Monday Mar 1	16 days and counting! Today is the first day of meteorological spring and appropriately, the latest seven day weather forecasts are now calling for 40's by the end of the week and a possible 50 next Sunday. The Coyote Run grounds staff, (all three of us), is ready to get on the course to start prepping for the opening day, two-man scramble. With the persistence of the late-season wet snow, we are a little concerned about the possibility of some winter disease damage on fairways. Over the weekend, Fox News cameras panned across the studio catching a glimpse of Sarah Palin's hands. Computer enhancements revealed the word 'leftie' written on her palm just under her left index finger. Since Tiger announced he was going back to rehab and won't be playing in Coyote Run's March 17th, St. Patrick's Day opening scramble, could this mean that Sarah has recruited Mickelson?
Monday Mar 1	Let me tell ya how all that politcally-correcty/gendery-neutrally stuff is working out for me...I feel like a new woman/man. The current, (1:20PM), outside temperature on the brand new, official Coyote Run digital thermometer/rain gauge is 61 degrees...the first temperature over 60 of the year. With today's 11 hours and 40 minutes of daylight and day-length increasing by 2 minutes and 47 seconds per day, the spring equinox, (12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of dark), is rapidly approaching. The current 10-day forecast calls for 47 degrees and sunny conditions for the St Patrick's/St Patricia's Day, opening two-entities scramble. There must be some truth to the Tiger/Sarah rumors...this morning the golf shop got a call from Elin asking for background checks and pictures of the entire Northwoods and Coyote Run staffs and insiders at Fox News have disclosed that Sarah is already tired of the punditry gig and is looking for some time off for St. Pat's Day. Could the rumors actually be true?